Mall Walking a Stretch © 2010 Lynn Rebuck

            Rather than invest in a costly fitness club membership in order to lose weight, this month I started mall walking.

            So far I have lost three pounds and $378.  And that was only the first week. Today I “hit the wall” and my credit limit at the same time.

            Many mall walkers don their sneakers and warm-up suits and hit the indoor trail before the stores open. These are primarily men. Women instinctively know that God did not create malls merely to be walked. 

            During one training circuit, I got my ears pierced, my nails done, and my hair colored.  I was exhausted by the end of my routine.

            Mall walking is more of a workout than I thought it was going to be.  I have been walking my Cinnabons off.  Lest you scoff at my exercise regimen you should be aware that I have “felt the burn,” although it was the time I ate jalapenos at the Mexican place in the Food Court.

             It’s my belief that you can get just as good of a workout at the mall as you do at a gym, although it takes some creativity.  I do arm curls with my shopping bags (two large Yankee Candles per bag.  Start with 10 repetitions.  Increase weight by buying more candles).  The EscalatorMaster really gets my heart rate going, especially when I reach the top and remember that I am afraid of heights.

               If you want to start mall walking, here are a few tips:

               You should never walk so fast that you cannot carry on a conversation with a sales clerk.

               Your target heart rate is calculated by subtracting your age from your FICO score then multiplying the result times the 70% off clearance at Macys.  It is not unusual to suddenly reach your target heart rate after only a few minutes of walking.  This usually occurs when you spot a sale.

              Make sure you have the right kind of shoe.  The right kind of shoe is any high heel that is on sale the day of your walk.

               Make sure to dress comfortably.  If your clothes become uncomfortable at any time during your walk, it is necessary for you to immediately purchase something that fits better in the nearest store.

                If my weight loss and spending continue at their current pace, I will be down to a size 12 the day I file for a Chapter 13.

 Lynn Rebuck writes an award-winning humor column that appears weekly in print and online.  She is currently doing Gap laps at the mall.  Check out Lynn’s mall walking workout video on her website, www.LynnRebuck.com, along with more of her humor columns.  You can email her at LynnRebuck@gmail.com, become a fan on Facebook, and follow her on Twitter. © 2010 Lynn Rebuck